he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Floor bacon is actually really good
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
