i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
