Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
