and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
