I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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