Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
