What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
