God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
