Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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