woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
