Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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