My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
