UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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