just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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