I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
All the doctor said was why
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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