Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
