Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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