great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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