God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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