mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
