and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
