I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He did a backflip because drugs
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
