"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
