I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
