obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
