New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
