i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize