Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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