what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
