This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
