I want to have your abortion
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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