I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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