Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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