Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
