this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
