She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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