Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
