I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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