Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
