You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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