he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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