I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
