There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
