is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
