I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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