pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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