ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
