Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
