She's JV to your varsity
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
