i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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