I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
