it's too hot outside to masturbate.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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