just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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