sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
