To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize