Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
