I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
FUCK WHALES
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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