mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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