just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize