so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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