now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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