3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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