Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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