your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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