I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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