Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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