Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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