Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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