They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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