Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
