i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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