look no pants
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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