swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
