Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
