tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
