I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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