There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i think my tv is drunk
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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