oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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