Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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