Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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