I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize