i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize