I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
