At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My feet surprised me
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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