That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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