You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
