did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize