Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
