i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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