Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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