i permit you to call me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
