The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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