Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
