I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize