woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
