and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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