My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
