It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
