Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I've blown a few things in my day
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
