i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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