it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
