the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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