I am puke
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
