i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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