toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
