I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
whose parrot is this?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
