If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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