I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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