Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
