just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
